I find that I've been a bit of a bad blogger of late, only posting now and again every few months when I decide to get my ass in gear. For this, I can only apologise.
The truth is, I love writing. I love my blog. That's never going to change.
However, sometimes life gets in the way. I don't plan on being so blase with it, but I have had a lot on my plate recently.
Everybody has their own problems and their own battles in life that we know nothing about. The truth is, I think I lost my identity a little bit. I forgot who I was and where I was going... and, as my blog is such a big part of myself, it got neglected too.
Sometimes I forget how much I love writing when I'm not writing regularly. Then when I get back into it, I realise how much I've missed it.
I probably only have a few real loyal readers left, which I know is nobody's fault but my own, although I'm hoping as I post more and more in 2016 and fall back in love with writing (and myself) that I will gain more followers and make people smile again.
This is the turning point for me. Goodbye negativity and sucking myself into a deep black hole, hello positive mindset and a more hopeful outlook on life.
I'm always cautious of giving away too much of myself on my blog and letting people in, especially strangers, because sometimes I don't show my emotions to even my closest family and friends. But I'm finding that, as I'm writing this, it's feeling quite therapeutic so I'm willing to share more and more.
If I'm honest, I've been stuck in a rut a bit lately. I've been working to pay the bills, plodding along, keeping my mind afloat by trying to feel nothing. That's not to say that I haven't been social - I've been doing things with my evenings and weekends, but I've found I haven't been enjoying them as much as I normally do.
I've come to realise that I need to allow myself to feel more. I am only human at the end of the day, there's only so much I can take. I don't have to keep my emotions in - nobody is going to judge me if I hold my hands up and go, 'hey, you know what? I don't feel good today. I don't think I'm coping and I need to talk about it'.
Sometimes I don't want to burden others with my negative energy. But we all need to let it out every now and again and true family and friends will be there for you to rant to and won't mind one little bit.
I do truly believe that I need to fall back in love with myself. I need to make myself happy, before anybody else can make me happy. I haven't been happy recently. But I want to be happy. I strive for health and happiness more than anything.
This dark cloud is passing. The night is ending. I can see the dawn and the light at the end of the tunnel.
I will get through this and I will be okay. I just have to keep making the baby steps towards recovery.
(Thanks for listening to me moan. I really do love and miss you guys and will try my best to not disown you again. Katie-xo)
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